A Letter for My Daddy

2 years almost passed by

But the tears have never stopped

why? I don't know why

I'm tired to pretend I'm okay, I'm tired to hear you have to stop crying

He has gone

I know he has, I know he'll never come back here beside me

But why do everyone always tell me to stop crying?

I hate losing you but I even hate more when they says,"You have to stop crying, stop missing him, let him go"

I have let you go, I know I have

But can't I miss you?

Is it some kind of sin?

Is it wrong?

I knew the feeling my cousin felt now when she looked at all of her friends cheers about their fathers, saw their love to each other, I know the feeling

It's really hurt even more hurt when I can't even cry for the sadness

Every night I saw you in my dream, holding your still warm hand

Kissing your white cheek

Seeing your lovely smile and telling everything's alright ka

I still remember everything you did for me everynight when I can't sleep

When I'm tired for trying to be the best in every subject in my school

When I'm upset for being disrespect

It's not that I can't let you go , it's about me who still can't believe you are gone..

Daddy, I'm so sorry I can't hold my tears for tonight or another nights when you came into my dreams again

I'm so sorry I can't pretend to be okay so many times

I'm so sorry I say I miss you

I'm so sorry I can't give you the best I can give to you before Allah takes you 

I'm so sorry I can't be good to them like you 

I'm so sorry for hating them for blaming mommy

Daddy, thank you for everything

Thank you for bringing me to the world

Thank you for every happiness you give

Thank you for every cry you teach to be so much stronger

Please, give your bless so I can't give mom so much happiness not even a cry in her life

To make her be the happiest mommy in the world

As you say I can't depend on someone else

The only one who understands me is myself

Please give your bless to make me stronger

To make me as kind as you are

As patient as you are

As lovefull as you are

I love you dad

And it doesn't even lessen than before, It will not lessen ever forever

You are the best of the best forever, I love you ♥

I'm trying to make my happiness by my own. hope you always happy in the heaven amin ♥